The Urge to Do Something IRL: fear of missing out

You know the feeling that you are spending too much time on your computer and too little in real life? That has hit me many times during my life and work career. As a teenager I learned to build & fix computers, to install windows and get software, music and movies from the internet. Much of time was spent playing online and learning how to code, or how to use photoshop.

After I moved out from my parents house, I still spent a lot of time on my computer, learning to build websites, design them in photoshop and cut the psd desing into html and css. Way too many nights my back then spouse went to sleep before me and way too many hours I neglegted my sleep.

First full day studying with laptop at the school and then at home on desktop pc, browsing the web, chatting in IRC, coding, learning, speding time. Later that changed to be 8 hours work days in front of keyboard and still all nights and weekends if possible.

It was 2017 when I first time told my friend that I need to do something else than coding and spending my time face attached to the screen. That was first time I thought about my work in a different way, new way. I think that work is something that you should enjoy doing, for me it means many things, but one thing is that it can't be just about the money and paying the bills. Okay, let's organize this thougth..

Thoughts about work

So it was 2017 and I was exhausted from work. I remember how I was speaking to my friend about this, that as a software developers we are doing work that has no evidence it was never done when we will retire. Software lives like pets - some die young, some we are not ready to let go even if we should - still software usually "dies" or changes in 5-20 year cycles. So there isn't much to show for next generations.

Another thought was that I need to do something my own, or find a purpose at least. Because many times building software isn't really needed or anyone could do it. Maybe one of the reasons becoming a software dev in the first place was that it was so rare that someone knew how to code, it was something exciting and magical. Okay, so something my own. Here it got little triggier - since I have always wanted to be an entrepreneur, build my own SaaS, products and online courses, but not this time. Now the focus was somewhere else.

TODO: IRL

I felt the urge to do something IRL, not just by sitting on computer and writing a software. Maybe online shop, so I could combine both worlds. I started thinking about going back to school, different career, maybe some customer service or building houses or such - something REAL and concrete.

Anxiety of missing out from life had me there. Still it took over a year and new relationship when I made a decision that I won't work anymore at evenings, nights or weekends. I wanted to be there for my spouse and her kid. Easily one of the best decisions I have ever made.

As an introvert it has always been hard for me to make new friends and join parties and such, but because of these things and feelings described above I started making changes in my life.

I didn't enjoy my work, I had pretty much no real hobbies, I just lost myself on the internet and my own thoughts.

Hobbies

For a good amount of time it was really hard to even tell when asked that what I like to do besides coding - if even that. It took several years, but I now have many hobbies I like and some purpose in my life and I like coding more than ever.

I have made several DIY projects, like fixing and painting my fathers old bicycle, one summer we build scaffolding and I painted a roof of a barn in my parents place.

As many years ago as a teenager I liked fixing computers, that's again some kind of hobby and side hustle for me which I like a lot. Indoor gardening and gardening in general is something I can say I do enjoy.

I have been playing badmintion for three years now, and for one year I have been a volunteer worker.

What changed?

As you might be able to read between the lines, I'm really happy with my current situation, but the remaining question stands - what changed?

It wasn't just that I thought about it, change didn't come easy for me. Eventually getting my nth burnout and being on sick leave long enough to actually revocer from it and rethink my life made the change possible for me.

Some might say or think that burnout is something no one wants to go through, I say it was a plessing for me.

In the end burnout is about your body and mind telling you that you are doing something wrong and things need to change or else..