Impostor Syndrome: 10 years doesn't cut it

One of those things you cannot entirely undestand before you have it and experience it by yourself. Although having it doesn't mean that you know what it is, or even that it is a thing at all.

I have been software developer over a decade and still every now and then I suffer from it. I feel like I got the job just because I am good at speaking my way into the company - Did I really tell everything and spoke only the truth. Maybe they got me wrong and think that I am better and more experienced that what I actually am.

Impostor syndrome. Feeling like above, has a name and its a well known state of mind many creative people suffers from in some point of their career. It's not something you get sick leave, or something you talk about with co-workers, especially in a new workplace. Unfortunately.

Talking about this feeling is better than keeping it all inside. Because you are not alone, many people has been there, they would understand.

In some point for me it got so bad that I was afraid every day at work (and the weekends) that someone finds out that I'm fraud, I'm not what they expected, and would just fire me.

I started comparing myself to people who had been in the company, and in the IT for years or even a decade longer than me - I'm just not as good and experienced as others. I have to try to fill the cap.

For me impostor syndrome has been one of the causes getting anxiety, depression, low self-esteem and eventually burnout.

Best thing you could do is to talk openly about your feelings and rationalize the situation. If you have been honest in the hiring process, you have no worries - wrong hire is on them in that case anyways, and you will find another job if it comes to that. They don't(or atleast shouldn't) really expect you to be ready from the first day to achieve same as others. Usually it takes 6 months up to 2 years before new hire actually knows enough about the domain, processes and tech stack.

Go easy on yourself, you are only making it worse by overthinking and overanalyzing - if you are feeling uncomfy talking about it with your co-workers, boss, or friends, talk at least with the therapist - they really know what you are going through and can actually help you.

Time to summarize it: You are not alone, it will get easier, talk - it helps and relax.