How to Support a Loved One Struggling with Gambling

Seeing someone you care about struggle in general with anything can be heartbreaking and overwhelming. Same goes with gambling addiction. The urge to try to solve problems your loved one is having is intense. This addiction is no different than others, what has evolved during a long period of time doesn't get solved overnight. So what you can do?

In this post I'll try my best to describe what you can do. Just breath, and continue reading without any rush.

Get Help For You

I assume that at this point, you reading this post, you already have a hunch about your loved one having problems with gambling - or maybe you already 100% know by finding out or your loved one came clear with the situation to you.

So, whatever you are feeling right now torwards the gambler - your loved one, get help for yourself. Discuss with your friend, parent, therapist or better yet take a call to peer support - it's not only for gambler to gambler, there is also help for family and friends. I must say that I am not 100% sure how this works elsewhere, but in Finland we have volunteers who have gone through same as you, helping others with the experience they have about this kind of situation.

Anyhow, it's importat to be able to reflect the situation with someone - some other than the one having the issue. Usually it might be hard to talk with, or at least to trust what a person with gambling addiction is telling you after being exposed.

Learn About Gambling Addiction

Read stories, go through studies, educate yourself about what gambling addiction actually is. Go through symptoms, how to recognize it, and what has helped others.

By educating yourself, you will be able to give pointers also to your loved one, what to try, where to get help, what to do.

After getting a picture of the situation and the whole phenomenon, you can better understand that your loved one might not be behind the wheel of the actions.

Boundaries

If you are not familiar already, now is an excellent time to learn about boundaries. What you are willing to do to help your loved one and what you are not willing to tolerate. Boundaries are important tool for us to stay sane and while well communicated, these work for us greatly.

Example of boundaries in this context could be:

• I'm here for you, if you need talk about anything
• I will not borrow you money
• I want to help you and I will go to therapy with you - but can't go there alone
• I need my own time to recover and collect my thoughts
• I need you to be active on getting better from this - you are not alone, but I can't do everyhing for you

There are some rough examples, but I believe you get the point.

Listen Actively

Listening and being there for your loved one is a lot. If they are willing to discuss about the topic, listen actively and ask questions. Try not to give a feeling that this topic is not interesting or it's neutral for you - because that might give a feeling that you don't want to listen and it causes closing down.

By any means I don't say that you should be always talking about the topic, or you should be always willing to talk about it no matter what. You can, and you should, tell when you are able to talk more about the topic.

Try not to quiz your loved one, try to trust(with a suspect), and try to create atmosphere where your loved one wants to tell whats going on in their mind - let them be the initiator.

Join a Support Group

This could be the best thing you can do for yourself in this kind of situation. It gives you possibility to hear stories from others, see similarities, figure out what might work and what not. Don't you ever underestimate the power of peer support!

Take Care Yourself

At this point it might be a no surprise that I took a certain approach in this writing. Correct! Best way to help your loved one is to remember to take care of yourself - it's no good for you or anyone else if you let this situation to wreck you physically and mentally - or economically!

The other person is also a human being, most probably adult, hopefully. Eventhough addiction is a complex condition and a disease, it's important that the person, your loved one, is willing to get better, and an active actor solving the problems - with all the consequences following.

You can do a lot, from my point of view, as an person who suffered from gambling addiction for over a decade, it would have been much more tolerable with help of someone close to me. Afterwards I have heard couple of people saying that if they just had the money they would pay my debt and help me to get through - but now I know for sure, any amount of many would have NOT helped me to get rid of the addiction. I needed to want the change, and to be ready to give up gambling for good.

People's support > any amount of money.